Married, with Miles

Part of the reason we started this blog is because, while we could find travel and business travel sites with great advice, we couldn’t find much about dealing with the stress work travel puts on a marriage.  When Rob agreed to take this new job, we were not anticipating quite as much on-the-road time as he’s had, but we still expected a lot of away time.

We went into this with an understanding of our mutual strengths: we are flexible, understanding, and good communicators.  Our mutual weakness in this situation is that we are actually very interdependent.  I’m used to being the one on the road, so this has shown me just how much Rob usually takes care of around the house.  Another part of what makes our marriage as strong as it is, though, is that we are a great team and know what it takes to decrease tension.  
To avoid stress, we have hired cleaners and contracted help otherwise.   This means we can enjoy ourselves on the weekends, focusing on projects we want to do together and recovering from our time apart.  

Other things I’ve noticed that are working:

• A regular check-in time by phone. Sometimes Rob is working late and doesn’t have a lot of time to chat, or I’m having dinner with friends on the road. In those situations, we’ve agreed that it’s fine not to have a long conversation, but we really like our regular 9:00 check-in time. Even if I’m just at home, the timing is nice because it helps me wind down. I can do other things in the evening rather than waiting for the phone to ring.
• Skype video chats.
• The traveler empties and puts away his suitcase upon arriving home.
• Reconnecting by doing things together. I feel a lot more connected when we make dinner together than when we just go out to dinner after getting home.

I think we still have to work on finding the balance within our other relationships- the nightly phone call has gotten in the way of the time I used to call and check in with my mother, other than when I see friends during the week, we’re not seeing much of friends at home because we just want to be together. 

The upside to this hectic schedule is that Rob’s new job offers more vacation time, and all the miles he’s accruing mean we should be able to take a fantastic trip together.